Bartender’s Tips by CJ Schaffer
Life is a Stage
I have been talking with my friend “Desperately” a lot lately. Our latest discussion was about how much easier it is for her to talk to men she is in a relationship with, or chat on-line with a man then it is for her to talk to a man on a date. I, on the other hand, find it is easier talking to men I don’t know, than to be in a relationship. We are both in uncomfortable territory now since I am in a relationship, and she is not. After a brief conversation we decided we would brainstorm and get back to each other. She would come up with strategies for me to relax, because my boyfriend already knows I am weird. I would come up with ways for her to relax on a date and talk easily to a man without having to picture him in his underwear, or drink too much - and having to wait for a taxi after a bad date, when all she wants to do is go home to be with her cat and pass out on the couch.
Like everything in my life, I need to know why, and “because”, is not a valid answer. When I was a child I did not like my mother’s reason for me to be potty-trained so I walked around our neighborhood and asked all of the neighbors whether or not they wore diapers. After interviewing everyone I knew in the small cul-de-sac we lived in, I decided I would be potty-trained. I approached my friend’s problem in the same way. I did not ask the neighbors, but I did ask my other friends. When I had come up with what I thought might be my answer, I used my theories in an unrelated conversation I had with my BF to test it out. When he didn’t look at me like I was totally crazy I decided it was time to call my friend.
My theory is simple. Life is like one big play. This idea is not new – poems, plays, and songs have been written based on this idea usually with God or heaven being the audience. Regardless of our religious preferences, most of us are familiar with the concept of being watched, or on a stage. We all have our roles we are comfortable with, and for my friend the roles she prefers are businesswomen and the “girl in the relationship”. I called her and reminded her that this experiment was really only to find a date for Christmas dinner not to find a soul mate, and while the stores have already started to put up their Christmas trees, adding to the pressure, she has plenty of time to find a date. As one of my readers suggested, she could always hire an escort to take her. The new game plan is for her to pretend to be interviewing her date for a job. Since both of us agree that dating either one of us is like having a job you love to hate, this made perfect sense. Her new plan is to go into dates playing the “role” she is most comfortable with. That way she can be relaxed and be herself without caring what the other person thinks because she is the one that has what the other one wants instead of the other way around.
We all play roles and some are more comfortable than others. I prefer talking to strangers. That is what makes me a good bartender. I can strike up a conversation with anyone. I am the joker in my family, and I am the girl who loves to be single to all her friends…but roles change, and we all need to find ways to incorporate the roles we are comfortable with into the new or changing roles we may or may not be comfortable with. While this may not be helpful to all of you, I hope the example helps some of you out there. We do not have to stay in the role we are comfortable with if we want a change. My tip for you is to try to change your role a bit take some of your comfort with you and use it to do something different.
Please contact me at cj@sierramountaintimes.com, and keep it real!
