Bartender’s Tips by CJ Schaffer
The Search for Mr. Right
When in search of the perfect relationship we often loose sight of what we really need. I have several friends and acquaintances that are on the “hunt “at the present moment. I get asked all the time how to find someone because I, several years ago, came up with a plan. I share the information I gathered with my close friends and now I am going to share it with you.
Have any of you ever gone to the grocery store hungry and with no list? What happens when you do this? Well I’ll tell you what happens; you end up grabbing the first thing you see and filling up your cart with a bunch of junk and spending too much money. Then you go home with all that junk and have to put it away, all the while stuffing your face with the first thing you grabbed out of the bag. Afterwards you feel sick and you realize you forgot to get the coffee. The same is true with dating.
A couple of years ago after a bad relationship and several bad dates I decided to approach dating from a researcher’s point of view. I decided I would accept every invitation to go on a date and I would not get involved with any of the men I dated. I went on over one hundred dates in a year’s time. To some this may seem like a waste of time, but I learned a lot about who I was and what I wanted. It was like buying a pair of shoes; there are some that look great, exactly what you want, then you try them on and they make your feet hurt. The only problem is when you really want or need the shoes, you end up taking them home anyway and regretting it every time you wear them; and they’re hard to get rid of. You shouldn’t have bought them in the first place.
The same can be true with dating. I was going on strike, I could try on as many men as I liked but none was going home with me. I was basically browsing not buying! Because I was doing this as research I did keep notes and I dug them out of my closet to write this column. When I look them over I see that I wrote things like, “talks too much, does not look me in the eye, or chews with mouth open.” I also wrote down notes that said things like, “funny, puts hand on the small of my back when walking through crowd, or opens doors for me.” I was compiling my shopping list.
Here is what I tell my friends. Know what is really important to you and except only what you know you can live with. Make a list of what is important to you and put it somewhere you can see it every day and stick to it. If you find the perfect man, but he drinks too much and you know you can’t live with that, guess what, he is not the perfect man for you!
I also tell my friends to take their time; someone who likes you and is going to want a relationship with you is not going to push you into anything too fast, they will want to take their time too if they think you are special.
After my experiment I found out that I really like being single, I don’t like to have someone around all the time, but I also missed being in a relationship because it is nice to spend time with someone who knows you. When I met the man I am currently dating and he told me he would be gone a lot for work, I was in heaven. I made my list and I stuck to it and because I was available and not stuck with the, “bad pair of shoes,” I am pretty happy. So my advice to all of you looking for love is to shop around, don’t forget your list and just because it is on sale doesn’t mean it is a great deal.
Please contact me with all of your questions or comments at
cj@sierramountaintimes.com
