Sierra Mountain Times

SAME OLD STORY

I am a bit uninspired this week; over and over I hear the same thing, one week I talk to someone and they’re broken up, their long-term relationship isn’t working out, again. I tell them, “Good for you now you can work on being on your own. Trust me it’s nice to get in touch with yourself, to figure out what you really need and want from a relationship.” The next week, or two, they are back together and once again not happy. I also hear how much people hate their job, “I’m going to quit” people will say. I have three regular customers that have been going through this for over a year. Time and time again when these people are single I encourage them to be on their own for awhile, figure out what makes them happy, take themselves out on dates (I love doing this for myself), or just date as many people as they can fit into their schedule. Too many times we get ourselves in a rut, we stay at bad jobs we don’t enjoy, we stay in bad relationships and we seem to never give ourselves the distance we need to make decisions that we will truly not regret. I have been guilty of this behavior in past relationships, and I feel I have learned my lesson. Why are some people so unwilling to just be on their own?

I may or may not have the answer; I think that we are all so busy doing what we feel we need to get done. This is a theme worth repeating over and over. We are all so busy doing what we feel is right by staying in jobs or relationships that are no good for us. By relationships I don’t just mean romantic relationships. This can include friendship or family relationships. For example I had a friend for a very long time who was what I call an energy vampire. She would constantly load all her problems on me and most of her problems were of her own doing. I hate being mean to people, that is one of the reasons I stayed friends with this person for so long, but it finally came down to me having to put myself first. I could no longer let this person drain me of all my hope and love. I know this sounds dramatic, but it really did feel that way. It also took time out of my already busy life and, for the longest time, I just kept talking to this person because it was just easier. Maybe that is why some people keep going back and forth with their romantic relationships as well. Could it just be convenience?

In some cases I do believe that convenience plays a part. It would seem to be much easier to go back to a relationship where someone already knows that you look like you were attacked by a mountain lion when you wake up in the morning, or that you like your coffee with cream, but couldn’t it also be that some of us will always think that the grass is greener on the other side? Imagine just figuring out what you need and trying to work on yourself. When we know ourselves, truly, we know what is and is not good for us. Perhaps the person in your life who keeps coming back is a person you should have in your life, but if you are unhappy when they are in your life and unhappy when they are not in your life I think you may have a case of the grass syndrome. Unfortunately there is no easy answer. My advice to people from now on is just going to be do what feels right, follow your gut, live long and prosper and know yourself well. Life can be difficult and it is always better when we can spend it with people who love and care about us, so we should surround ourselves with loving people and love ourselves. 

Please contact me at

cj@sierramountaintimes.com