SMT 911!
Not a Good Match
Auburndale, MA – A can of gasoline and a drunken, suicidal man never make a good match…but when he can’t seem to figure out how to ignite the gasoline, the results turn from a dramatic, fiery furnace to nothing more than a gasoline stained carpet. Yet either way, the man paid severely for his actions. Police responded to reports of a drunken man smashing household items at about 8 p.m. and when they arrived they found a 47-year-old man holding a match at the top of a staircase that had been doused with gasoline. While standing in the door of the home and drawing their weapons, police told the man to put the match down, at which time he threw the flame toward the stairs to show them that he was serious. However, the match did not light, turning the situation into a joke. Police waited patiently as the man went through several matches, but none of them ever lit. So the man decided to take it up a level by pulling out a knife and retreated into an adjacent room. He made repeated statements that he wanted to die and that police should just kill him, but he refused to drop the knife. After several minutes, Capps laid the knife down at the top of the staircase in concession and retreated out of sight and was found lying on the floor where he was handcuffed and taken to a nearby Hospital. The man is being charged with five counts of attempted murder, five counts of assault with a dangerous weapon, destruction of property, threat to commit a crime and attempted arson of a home. Well, thanks to his trusty matches, arson has been reduced to attempted arson…maybe that will lessen his sentence a day or two.
Cigarettes for Stitches
Athens, TN – Christmas Eve karma was out in full force this year…especially for a young Athens man who decided to break into a convenience store. The 21-year-old man, who was apparently in desperate need for a smoke, shattered the unoccupied store window and stole $35 worth of cigarettes. Unfortunately, he cut his hand and ankle pretty bad…and returned to the scene two hours later seeking medical help. An officer at the scene was waiting for the manager to arrive with a key after the break-in when the blood-covered burglar approached him. The officer took the man to a nearby hospital where he received dozens of stitches. The man will be charged with burglary when he is released from the hospital…and will be on Santa’s naughty list for at least the next two years.
I’d Rather Be Doing Something Else
Emerald Coast, FL – We all have busy lives and would usually prefer to be doing something different than what we are currently doing…especially if we are currently talking to a police officer. But it is probably best to keep this thought to yourself and not yell it out the window as you are being chased by police officers. A speeder fleeing from lawmen and yelling out his SUV window told police that he “had better things to do than pull over.” The police however, disagreed. The 32-year-old man eventually stopped in front of a daycare building and jumped out of the SUV. A deputy ordered him back in the vehicle, but he said, “No, you can’t do this to me,” and then resisted two officers who came to handcuff him. When they got him on the ground, deputies asked him why he didn’t stop…and he repeated his earlier excuse, “I have better things to do than sitting on the side of the road talking to you.” The police probably had better things to be doing as well, but still did their job and charged the man with resisting arrest and refusing obedience.
This article reminds me of the yearly “Darwin awards” which are tongue -in-cheek and given yearly to the people who do something so stupid that they actually die and take themselves out of the gene pool. Hence the name Darwin awards, as they have contributed positively to the natural selection of the human race. One requirement is that the honoree must not have reproduced prior to their demise. Look it up on line, it’s right up your alley.
January 12th, 2009 at 2:30 am