SMT 911!
The Curse of the Full Moon
Bellingham, WA – When three drunks were kicked out of a bar at 2 a.m. for being disorderly, they thought it would be funny to moon the owner and the two customers inside. Bad idea. With pants down they pressed their bare buns against the glass, which is harmless enough…until of course, the glass broke. Yet to make matters worse for the mooners, the two guests inside decide to seek vigilante justice and chase them up the street. Apparently, these customers are not fans of being moon’d…and one of them even grabbed a baseball bat from the trunk of his car before pursing the drunks up the street. Catching up to the bare-bottomed window breakers the bat wielding men began to beat two of the men down…giving them what they believed they deserved. The mooning must have scarred the two customers for life, considering they almost took the life of one of the mooners by the time their bat fest was done. One man was taken to the hospital with life-threatening injuries and another suffered broken bones to his face. While the three mooners may face charges of malicious mischief and disorderly conduct, the “bat men” were arrested on charges of first-degree assault. So whether you are mooner or a moon watcher…be careful. You never know what could happen.
Bringing the Case to Court
San Anselmo, CA – When going to court for auto theft charges, it is best not to show up in a stolen car. Police have charged a man with stealing a Lexus SUV he drove to court the day a jury was to decide whether to convict him in a separate auto theft case. I wonder what the verdict was? The 37-year-old man was arrested on charges of receiving a stolen vehicle and receiving stolen property after police saw him approach the stolen Lexus in front of the courthouse with its keys in hand. Police were attracted to the SUV after bystanders noticed several Yorkshire terriers inside it. The man was also charged with animal cruelty and leaving animals in an unattended vehicle. Meanwhile, he was convicted in the other case and was charged with possession of a $125,000 Porsche Carrera. Overall, you could say it was a bad day.
Attack of the Frozen Chicken
Jackson, MI – What do you get when you cross a stolen bicycle, a fork, and 10 pounds of frozen chicken in a plastic bag? Apparently four years, $2000 and a bad head injury. A man accused of stabbing his mother with a fork and attacking a second woman with 10 pounds of frozen chicken has pleaded guilty to one count of felonious assault. The 40-year-old stabbed his mother with a fork (possibly because she had a giant freak head) and than later exchanged words with another woman as he rode a stolen bicycle. The words led to blows, and the man ended up hitting her in the head with a plastic bag of frozen chicken, opening a wound that required five surgical staples. That’s one tough chicken! The man faces up to four years in prison and a $2,000 fine. If only he had decided to go to KFC that night…or at least waited until the bag had thawed to make his attack. The charges probably would’ve been different.
